All the dota players you can think of, this is very good.

I. The Chinese Gold Farmer

First of all, this guy probably got
into DotA from playing World of Warcraft and failing grades at school
in order to play World of Warcraft. You will notice that whatever is
happening whether your entire team is getting wiped out or your base is
under attack, this guy will always do one thing.

Yep, that's
farm up super-dooper-drop-your-pants-zomg-bbq items! Someone should
tell him the game only lasts around 1 hour and after that everything he
earns will be gone. Oh well I guess there's some sort of pleasure in
amassing virtual goodies that don't exist in the real world. (PS. if
you think I'm racist I'm Chinese myself.)

Strategy: Gank him. That's it. He'll be too busy pushing forward in the lane and won't be thinking about battles or ganks.

Preferred Heroes: Alchemist, Doom

II. The Wannabe Hero

Whether
it be taking all the leavers items, farming up until late game and
getting Beyond Godlike all of a sudden, or posting hundreds of replays
on Dota-Allstars.com as hans2; this guy will go out of his way to get
the phatest of lewt, highest amount of XP etc. He will probably not
help you in a gank unless he's 100% sure he'll get a kill and make
himself look good. Wait til late game and let him carry the team.

These
guys could be a blessing come the 50th minute mark. Or if not then
they're as useful to the team as 3 Lothar's Edge's on a Stealth
Assassin.

Hey, what can I say? You play to win, you play to look good infront of everyone.

Strategy:
Deny and harass until he gets pissed off and ragequits. If he stays
then applaud the other players on his team and he'll also get pissed
off.

Preferred Heroes: Clinkz, Clinkz, Clinkz, Naix

III. The Rambo

Ever
seen guys who will rush into a fray of 5 enemy heroes and die and then
start spamming words to the effect of "ZOMG NOOBS YOU DIDN'T HELP
ME!!!! (Rambo has left the game). These guys have a seriously difficult
time figuring out when a gank is coming, what minimap pings mean, why
5v1 is not odds to be proud of etc. My advice to these guys: "Stay the
hell away from casinos." Often they're colorblind (I kid you not I got
a friend on Bnet who is colorblind and gets confused when he sees the
minimap) or they're still between being a noob and being an average
player.

Strategy: Let him feed!

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Bristleback

IV. The Newbie

A
newb and a noob are too different things. A newb is a new player who
will contribute to the team and follow orders and generally ask
question which will make him a better player. A noob is someone who has
played for over a year and still get owned by everyone and spams in
chat and ragequits after dying. Newbies should be treated with care and
caressed... Maybe not caressed but you should all help these people out
and give them pointers.

Strategy: Tell him that to win the game
all you have to do is reach the enemy fountain. (I ain't joking, it's
actually worked for me once. Yes, I am slightly sadistic.)

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper

V. The Silent Veteran

These
are the ones to watch out for. During pre-game chat they'll say very
little. After getting a triple kill they'll say nothing. Even after
getting Beyond Godlike they still won't gloat or show off the fact. Why
don't they speak much? Because they're so good that they're used to
owning and also they're too jaded to speak to random people off the
internet.

Strategy: Either run or gank.

Preferred Heroes: Any

VI. The Leader

Usually
a player will start pinging ganks and typing "b" or "push" into team
chat. These people are the leaders and generally have a good strategic
look on things. Leaders are vital to victory during a game.

Either that or they're power tripping. You be the judge.

Strategy:
If you find out who's calling the shots on the enemy team, gank him
while a lone hero on your team does a blind push and then retreats.
He'll be too busy typing and signalling for everyone to gank that he'll
be vulnerable for about 5 seconds. And if you actually believe this
piece of advice then I recommend also getting Agannim's Sceptre on Naix.

Preferred Heroes: Techies

VII. The Quitter

These
people are defeatist in nature. Your team may lose all its outer towers
and one inner tower and these guys will be the first to say: "GG."
They'll also be the first to quit after an entire lane full of rax has
been owned. These people have lost the fight before it's even started
so the best thing to do is to run back to fountain once they've just
been owned and ragequitted. That way you can call first dibs on their
nice items biggrin.gif

Strategy: Gank him a few times and it'll be 4v5.

Preferred Heroes: Any

VIII. The Never-Say-Die

Gotta
love these guys. The exact opposite of the Quitter, these people will
stay til the very bitter end and will often be seen defending the lone
Throne all by himself against 5 enemy heroes. Give these people a
compliment since they're a dying species. Heck give em a war medal
since they probably fought in the trenches of World War 2 in a previous
life.

Strategy: Poor lad. Go easy on him unless he's owning your entire team using the leavers items.

Preferred Heroes: Any

IX. The 12-Year Old

"ROFL
PWNED LMAO!" Yep, these kids have just hit puberty and have raging
hormones. They should probably be venting this rage on Counter-Strike
but here they are on Dota. During pre-game chat they'll be saying all
the stupid goofy stuff. The good thing about kids is they're easy to
own due to their slower brains and bad judgement.

Strategy: Do what I do in real life. Ignore little kids. There are more productive ways to spend your time.

Preferred Heroes: Any

X. The Elitist

In
every community, and the Dota community too, there will be elitists.
These people look down on anyone slightly worse then them at Dota.
They'll gaze at newbies with undisguised contempt and horde their
knowledge from others like it's all they have. Elitists are everywhere
and there's little you can do about them except get into name-calling
competitions.

Strategy: Since elitists are a curse upon their
own team, perhaps you should be encouraging him to further discourage
his own team mates.

Preferred Heroes: Any

XI. The Coward

See trouble. Run to fountain.

These guys are as useful to your team as a chair is to a whale.

Need I say more?

Strategy: Gank them from behind. This confuses them as the fountain is also in the direction of danger for them.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Sniper, Clinkz

XII. The Casual Player

In
the pre-game chat these people will be like: "Hi, how are you guys?"
and usually be ignored. In real life they are a father of three and has
just gotten home from his day job to play Dota. What do you do about
these guys? Well give them pointers so they don't get killed too often.

Strategy:
If you are pro then simply kill them be also tell them why they died
and what they did wrong so they can improve and get deeper into the
game.

Preferred Heroes: Sniper

XIII. The Mathemetician

Asian
Dota players are renowned for their maths skills and will often rush
their first item known as the Abacus of Doom which gives +100 to
intelligence. But since this doesn't exist in game they'll use their
maths skills to own everyone. Before battles they'll calculate how much
mana they need to do how much dmg over how much time. They'll consult
their Orb stacking charts and crit probability statistics etc. and have
a tiny shriek of joy for beating their personal best -cs.

My
advice is stick near these guys as they seldom screw up. Unless they
get ganked that is... or unless their mother starts yelling at them in
real life to go study. In that case they feed.

Strategy: Things
like crits and evasion are a bane to the Mathematician since that makes
the equations less certain. But nothing is more dangerous to them then
their high expectations parents. Now you study hard and become a lawyer
ya' hear!

Preferred Heroes: Lion, Lina, Crystal Maiden, Zeus

XIV. The Partially AFK

While
you're working your butt off trying to secure victory for your team,
these guys are munching on chips and cutting their nails and glancing
at the screen every so often. These people don't really care and just
play Dota because they have nothing else to do. You'll notice them
sitting in the fountain for around 10 minutes while they go take a
dump. Luckily these people are a dying breed since Banlists and ivory
poaching is making them extinct.

Strategy: -

Preferred Heroes: Any

XV. The Know-nothing Know-it-all

"STFU NOOB. I know what I'm doing. Dagon on Juggernaught is the way to go."

Ok
so they managed to own a noob using their lame build and from then on
they stuck to it. No matter what you do, they'll still stick to their
original decision and get their Agannim's Sceptre for Phantom Assassin
or Eul's for Naix.

Strategy: Tell them that getting the Dagon
for Juggernaught was a nice idea and also tell them they should get a
Mystic Staff so they can spam Dagon.

Preferred Heroes: Any

XVI. The Donald Trump

"Lol I killed you dude." "BANNED!"

These guys have one rule that they follow: "Anyone piss you off, then omgz0r BANNED!!!!!!"

Why?
Because Donald Trump plays Dota and there's no such thing as a
FiredList. (Rosie_ODonnell has been banned for verbal abuse).

Strategy: Creating Bnet accounts > Banlist.

Preferred Heroes: Any

XIX. The Team Member

We
love these guys. They will be the first to get wards, help in ganks,
get gems, follow instructions and the like. They'll get an average
score but will fetch and sit and keep your feet warm on lonely nights.

Strategy:
They need to be killed off quickly and repeatedly so that your Stealth
Assassin and your Clinkz can both run around and cause havoc.

Preferred Heroes: Treant, Tide, Keeper

XX. The Pitbull

As
soon as they hit lvl 6, bam, it's hero killing time for them. Farming
is for wusses. They'll either get first blood or be first blood and
will typically go with heroes like Pudge and Balanar. Their ultra
aggression mixed with their confidence makes them dangerous. If you
ever end up in prison and sharing a cell with these guys then be
prepared to have a new boyfriend.

Strategy: Run to fountain with
10 HP left. Pitbull chases and kills you. Towers own Pitbull. You'll
give him a hearty LOL. Afterwards he'll say it was definitely worth it.

Preferred Heroes: Balanar, Pudge, Juggernaught

XXI. The Haxor

Haxors
play for one reason only. To win no matter the cost whether it be their
Bnet account... or their Soul! They are ungankable, know when to attack
rax, will farm none stop until they are forced to retreat and will hunt
you down while you are neutral creeping. But remember that deep down
inside they just crave a bit of happiness which is missing in their
life.

Strategy: Don't pick invisible heroes as they're useless
against the Haxor. It's a never-ending war between the Trumps and the
Haxor so leave them be.

Preferred Heroes: Stealth Assassin, Nevermore, Zeus, Nerubian, Furion

XXII. The Guide-Freak

After
reading one strategy guide, they'll follow it to the letter. On the
plus side this means that they'll be highly methodical and will usually
make all the right decisions regarding purchasing items. On the
downside they have zero flexibility and creativity. Might as well slap
in a couple of AI opponents instead.

Beware if you choose one of their heroes and don't go by their strategy guide though. They'll start acting self-righteous.

Strategy: Take an educated guess what build they're going to create (won't be hard.) Then counter it!

Preferred Heroes: Any

XXIII. The Micromanager

With
barely 100 HP left, they'll manage their hero so well they'll escape a
gank, end up with a kill, return to fountain and still have enough time
to do the laundry. These people will almost always get a chicken at the
start which will become their secretary and manage their appointments
for them while they calculate how much mana the enemy needs to kill
them while they're leeching XP with only 20 HP left beside the tower.

But
the scariest ability of these people above all is that they can rub
their stomach while rubbing their head and counting backwards in odd
numbers from 100.

Strategy: Any invisible heroes should foil their dastardly plans.

Preferred Heroes: Meepo, Chen, Chrow, Furion, Keeper of the Light

XXIV. The Role Player

In
all your time playing Dota you might only see one of these guys. They
are as rare as a dark albino. Also they're are as scary as one...
Here's your basic conversation with a Role Player:

RolePlayer: Hush... I fear the enemies draw near these woods. A fell voice is heard in the air.
Player: OMG don't just stand there help me!
Enemy has owned Player's head for 275 gold!
Enemy has owned RolePlayer's head for 280 gold!
Enemy has just got a Double Kill!
RolePlayer: It is a dark day indeed. We have been vanquished but our souls will take their vengeance!
Player has left the game.

Oh and I often enjoy taking on this persona when I'm drunk. When I'm sober I'll watch the replay for some laughs.

Strategy: Since they're too busy typing to do much of anything, just kill them.

Preferred Heroes: Drow, Priestess of the Moon, Luna and any other Elvish based heroes.

XXV. The Afraid-to-Die

Sort
of like the coward however with less running. Once again these people
do little good for the team. However they do make good tanks late game
as their usual item build is along the lines of: Vanguard, Aegis, Mek,
Heart, Boots, Perserverance.

Can they get any kills? No. Can they survive getting ganked? No. Do they ever need to go back to fountain to heal? No.

Strategy:
Most people don't realize that regeneration doesn't help much during
battles since a battle is over in about 4 seconds. In that 4 seconds
you might of gained about 40 HP from spending thousands of gold on
regen items. Big whoop...

Preferred Heroes: Centaur, Tiny, Tide, Abaddon, Omniknight

Nice find!

There are a few more but I was limited in space 4 the post so I could not add them.

Very nice find. Haven't seen that in ages. >_<

Damn the Silent Veteran is so written 4 Guderian

T3ssay wrote:Damn the Silent Veteran is so written 4 Guderian

"Strategy: Either run or gank." >_<

NeoN wrote:

T3ssay wrote:Damn the Silent Veteran is so written 4 Guderian

"Strategy: Either run or gank." >_<

No you run. You don't gank Guderian. You can try but your pillow will just end up smelling of Tears and Vodka...

He he... i'm more than willing to gang Gud... its some of the most fun trying to compete against him. I think we're about even atm aren't we gud?

BondageDucky wrote:No you run. You don't gank Guderian. You can try but your pillow will just end up smelling of Tears and Vodka...

haha... >_< Will have to try and get his own teamies to gang him too, 9v1 gang, than just maybe... P

NeoN wrote:

BondageDucky wrote:No you run. You don't gank Guderian. You can try but your pillow will just end up smelling of Tears and Vodka...

haha... >_< Will have to try and get his own teamies to gang him too, 9v1 gang, than just maybe... P

I must admit there are times when I long for Friendly fire in DotA...*sigh*

Lol guys, I have got 2 say that the same can be said about NeoN (Gudies Indian twin, Gudie being the evil one cos NeoN is so nice) and Omni cookie as well. U guys are way on par.

Ducky, me and you just run........far far away.....behind the fountain.

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Wow We got a responce out of the silent Gud he he

Ja definitely. I tread lightly whenever playing against Omni, Neon and Legend. Luckily I usually have a certain Ducky and Tessay watching my back for evil gankers.

he he i'll look forward to playing a game against the guys from duCore... when i'm finally told that there is a game happening...